"How Are You?" at Greetings?

"How are you?"

"What's up?"

"Morning."

These and perhaps hundreds of other greetings are muttered throughout our culture with no thought and even less sincerity.  We have almost a knee-jerk reaction to seeing someone and respond by robotically throwing out a perfunctory salution. But this is better than some, who instead walk into a room and nearly ignore everyone there out of shyness or self-absorption.

As a father to four children I have tried to teach them against their natural tendencies to enter a room and make eye contact, greet people, and show a heartfelt interest in others. Nothing is more common than a mute child who won't acknowledge adults and won't speak audibly when spoken to.  Some of this is understandable in children, of course, they being new to the art of human relations and easily intimidated by tall people who have hair growing on their face (especially when they're women). Nonetheless, we parents must make an effort to train them to notice and interact with others. It is at least as important as getting them to eat their spinach.

The sad part, however, is that so many children don't really grow up, but merely grow bigger. They reach "maturity" without even rudimentary people skills or manners. This is not only unfortunate but annoying, and it even finds its way into driving habits - but then, I digress.

To come at it from a positive side, I was recently making my way into a public place when I realized how glad I was to see a certain individual. We greeted and began chatting amicably and time passed without notice. Afterwards I reflected for a bit on just why this person holds such a pleasant spot in my mind, and it occurred to me at once that it was at least in part because of his greetings. Having taken note of this, I watched more carefully at our next interaction, and witnessed this same person breaking the silence barrier by approaching newcomers to our circle and offering his hand as an introduction first. His face lit with a smile, his eye contact was warm and direct, and his voice was all welcome.

Greetings, I thought. A moment in time. A brief second, perhaps. A lifetime of goodwill fostered.

Could it be that simple?

Well, certainly if it's backed by a pure heart and good intentions. After all, sincerity is impossible to defend against. But given good intentions as a constant, the person who makes a sincere, hearty greeting, either to a stranger but especially to a friend or acquintance, will carry the day every time. How can we resist someone who lights up at our appearance? How can we harbor ill feelings toward someone who is outwardly glad at our arrival? How can we resist wanting to become better friends with this fascinating, and obviously intelligent creature?

I would suggest that in our cell phone world this principle is equally important for telephone greetings. I don't mean the word "hello," but the reaction to the knowledge of the caller's identity. "Oh, Mike! Glad to hear from you! How have you been?" You get the idea. This stuff is so simple and obvious it is hardly needs mentioning. Or does it?

So consider the following questions:

1. How are you at walking into a room and taking notice of the individuals there?

2. Do you make eye contact, provide heartfelt greetings, and introduce yourself to strangers?

3. Upon seeing an acquaintance or friend, do you light up and project gladness at seeing them?

4. Do you introduce others into your "circle" and make efforts to connect people and make them feel accepted?

5. Do you likewise exude warm greetings on a telephone call?

These are simple but extremely fruitful concepts to make habitual in our lives. Other people matter. The Bible tells us to esteem others higher than ourselves. One of the easiest, cheapest, and simplest way to do this is with proper greetings. 

So, when it comes to greetings . . . 

How are you?

 

 

Comments

[Eric Stone]

Great post. It is easy to tell whn someone says, "How is it going" and if they really mean it or are just going through the motions. I try to ask about something they mentioned last time we spoke to make the inquiry specific, but occasionally still slip back to the generic question. Thanks for the reminder and tips.

[Venkatvarada.wordpress.com]

Chris, Its amazing as 'matter of fact' or 'trivial' topic as this sounds, it almost lays the foundation to how we feel about a relationship or better yet, where our heart is at any given point time, by the way we welcome the people around us at any given point in time.

We, as a culture have so many counter productive things that have become deep rooted habits that allow us to focus on 'self' that many a times I dont even feel like I have people around me being busy having a relationship with myself. Like you have said in your cds, so much of what we learn in relationships these days is 'not so' based on the fruit that is evident out there in the society that a simple 'How are you?' reveals so much where someone is. Thanks for sharing. God has given you a gift of taking the complex and simplifying that an Indian(east I mean) with two brain cells can grasp. Having said that 'Aap Kaise Hain?'

[Kristen Seidl]

Chris, thank you for this great reminder! Being a phlegmatic by nature my previous tendencies cause me to shy away at times. It is through the team system that I was able to develop a confidence to care about people. So when I ask these sometimes 'generic' greetings I now want to hear the response and get into deeper conversation with people. It's all about love and you said it perfectly: a pure heart and good intentions. God Bless you for being a superb example! Fantastic scriptural teaching from Luke tonight! Thank you for all that you do!
Kristen Seidl

[bill lewis]

Great article Chris. I was the person who would shy away from meeting people and then i wondered what was wrong with them. I couldn't have been more in the box. I do the same with our kids. I refuse to let them go through live thinking other people are the issue, they way I did. Thanks for the reminder.
bill

[Cathy -- Team Rascals]

Awesome as usual, Chris!

I was a very shy child until a dear friend told me I was hiding my talents under a bushel and being selfish with them by hiding them behind my shyness. (Yes, I know, hard to believe, but true!)

As I have gotten older, I have worked hard to overcome my reticence in public. I struggle with it even today, and your tips are very helpful and practical!

[Michael Rawlings]

Thanks for sharing this article Chris. This article helps me to always greet people with a smile and really be glad to see them.

[Torence Buss]

Funny thing is I used to be so outgoing as a child, my mother constantly worried that someone was going to scoop me up and run off with me. I would have been as happy as a clam, excited even. 'Where are we going?' and 'will it be fun?' I would have asked. Most likely I would have annoyed the kidnapper so much that they would have left me somewhere. As I was amazingly resourceful at that age, I no doubt would have found an officer, told him about my grand adventure, and my kidnapper would've been apprehended even while I was still clueless.

Then school happened and the bullying and cruelty that went on there had much to do with the fear of people I have today. Since that time, I've really been battling to get back what I lost through that experience.

Bad things do happen to everyone. It rains on the just and unjust alike, after all. How you handle the circumstances given you makes all the difference. So, smile and greet those around you. It certainly can't hurt.