"It's not what happens, it's how you respond." These are easy words to hear, but hard ones to live out. For most of us, it is easy to let people "hi-jack" us emotionally, to "blow our lid," or "get ticked off," or "blow our stack," or "lose our temper,
" or "come un-glued," or "let them have it," or "lose control," or "boil over," or "erupt," or "fly off the handle," or "throw a tantrum," or "pitch a fit," or "get our knickers in a knot," or "get our tailfeathers in a knot," or "get jacked sideways," or "spout off," or any number of expressions (in fact, if anybody out there knows any more, perhaps you could contribute them here in the comments section!). Perhaps there are so many expressions for this because there are so many instances of this in our lives. It would make sense that we would need a lot of names for something that happens a lot!
But what a shame, really. How many pharases are there for the opposite? "Keep one's cool," or "stay calm," or "keep control," or "maintain composure," or "turn the other cheek," or "blow it off," or "let it lie," or "leave it alone," or "take it with a grain of salt," or "keep things in perspective," or "let sleeping dogs lie," or "don't rock the apple cart," or "leave well enough alone," or "keep the peace," or take it all in stride." (again, we would welcome your inputs on this blog if you can think of more!)
For both cases, when we lose our temper or when we maintain control, our language is full of expressions to describe the event. It must be that this is a big deal. And in the art of human relations, I can assure you that how we respond to the things that happen to us in life IS A BIG DEAL.
Many, many times the things that happen to us are with, through, about, or because of other people. The interesting thing about life is that we, as humans, are free to choose our response. We are different from the animals which have no choice but simply react by instinct. Sure, we have instincts, but we also have overriding intelligence that offers us a choice of our response in any situation. It is how we choose our responses that matters.
Do we choose our responses because they make us feel better in the moment, riding the emotional wave that wells up in us and forgetting to engage our intelligence? Or do we stop and think for a moment, making a concious choice about what our response will be? HOW we choose our response is important.
Addtionally, WHAT response we choose matters, too. We should gain enough control over ourselves to choose the appropriate response. And which response is the appropriate one? Would it be the response of expediency, meaning the choice that serves our personal needs the best? Or would it be better to choose a response that serves the other person? Should our response be in line with the highest purpose we have for our life? Should our response have anything to do with God and His glory?
You see, asking these kinds of questions of ourselves (and what is thinking, if not the attempt at answering questions we ask ourselves?) produces the environment for us to CHOOSE our response, and to CHOOSE appropriately. Remember, we are the happiest when our actions are in line with the highest picture we have of ourselves, and when that picture is as accurate as it can be - meaning: the closest in line with how God would have us live.
People who are given to emotional flights of fancy, getting angry and battling with the people in their lives for whom they are supposed to love, are the least likely to produce lasting relationships. They may have great "people skills" on the front end, but over time, their lack of emotional self-control will deliver misery and regret by the truckload. Many of the wounds resulting from a lack of emotional control are very painful and heal slowly. Trust is destroyed and is rebuilt painfully and slowly, if at all.
Work hard to grow emotionally. Experts agree that your "emotional quotient" is more important than your "intelligence quotient." Get control of yourself by getting clear on who you are and what your purpose is. Don't lose perspective on the big picture in your life. Get in touch with the fact that your life is finite. Keep in mind that the most important aspects of your life are how you touch and influence the lives of God's children around you. You will be remembered more for your contributions or subtractions from people's lives than anything else you will accomplish. And finally, it may be helpful to keep in mind two of my favorite quotes:
"Life is too short to be little,"
and
"A man is only as big as the smallest thing that makes him lose his temper."
So grow big.
Life is too short to live otherwise.
