If you are going to be a leader, you are going to be in the business of building and maintaining relationships. For some people, this is a nearly automatic thing, but for many, it is less than natural. Both types of people, however, should and must learn to make this critical area of leadership a priority.
In a sense, a leader's life is a collection of the relationships he or she develops. The value, depth, synergy, permanance, and harmony of those relationship will literally make or break a leader. With this being not only true, but hopefully obvious, why is it that so many would-be leaders either fail terribly here or seem to pay this topic no serious regard? Why is it that relationships are so callously thrown away, eroded, neglected, or abused? I believe the answer is a combination of the following:
1. ignorance
2. pride
3. ego
4. selfishness
5. greed
Among others, this list reads like the typical littany of human sinful failings. Considering ignorance: perhaps leaders don't realize how important their web of lifetime relationships is to their success and lasting legacy. This is inexcusable. And for those reading this article, it is no longer a possiblity. You have been warned.
The rest are much more serious. Leaders who allow these and other failings to get in the way of initiating, constructing, and maintaining relationships will cause both themselves and others a lot of pain. As the saying goes, "Hurting people hurt poeple." I am consistently amazed at the amount of score keeping, gossiping, pouting, indignant anger, the preference of being "right" rather than loving, and rank coarseness that is exhibited by leaders which wrecks their relationships. It is as if the would-be leader thinks that as long as he or she is "right," any amount of responding behavior by them is justified. WRONG. When discussing these failings with them, I usually hear responses like, "Yes, but (the other person) did such and such." Okay, but what the other person does is irrelevant.
What?
Let me say it again.
What the other person does is irrelevant.
Why? There are several reasons. First of all is that the Lord will hold you accountable for YOUR behavior alone. Secondly, we know right off the top that none of us is perfect, and that we are all fallen and sinful creatures, so why should someone else's failings and shortcomings justify a similar reaction from us? In the words of my mother many times over when I was a child, "Two wrongs don't make a right!" But the third reason is the point of this article: what is important here is the RELATIONSHIP.
For a leader, building relationships must take priority over being right, winning, getting even, venting anger, righting wrongs, and the like. (Now don't get me wrong: I am not saying that there aren't times when an injustice is actually being done by someone, especially when it is being done to someone else, and must be addressed for someone's protection). But yet I see many people willing to throw away months, and sometimes even years, of investment in a relationship because someone got mad, felt justified in their outburst of anger, or otherwise was willing to trash a relationship for something of lesser value.
An excellent leader would rather give a little bit here and there than tarnish or take away from a relationship. An excellent leader would rather apologize, even if he or she wasn't sure they were actually at fault, than take a "withdrawal" from a relationship. An excellent leader "dies to self" rather than angling for personal gain at the expense of others.
And let me issue a warning, here, for those who understand these principles and apply them only to people they think can bring them gain: leaders love everyone and treat them with respect even if a person can't do anything for them in return. Remember, it's how you treat "the least of these" that Christ said he would count as how you treated Him! This is certainly a leadership principle to fully grasp!
So handle ALL your relationships with tender-loving care. Be gentle, kind, caring, loving, long-suffering, honest, open, genuine, and as Christ-like as you possibly can. And when you fall short, apologize quickly and express your respect for the person and your commitment to the relationship. Do as author Stephen Covey recommends by considering your relationship with each person to be a bank account into which you either make deposits or withdrawals, working consistently to maintain and grow a positive balance. And never forget, your job as a leader is to build relationships. Ignore this at our own peril.
