Author Chris Brady's Blog

The Wealthy Fisherman: Define, Learn, Do

The following excerpt was taken from EDGE, co-authored by Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward. 

We once heard the story told of a young man who worked at a sporting goods store. He was in his second year of college and struggling to pay for tuition and room and board. One day, a wealthy older man walked into the store and purchased a large amount of fishing gear for a fly-in fishing trip. The young man helped carry the mountain of purchases out to the parking lot and immediately noticed the expensive luxury car the older man drove. Impressed, the younger man asked a very penetrating question.

“Sir, if you don’t mind, could I ask you a question?”

“Certainly,” replied the elder gentleman.

To which the young man asked, “How do I get to be where you are financially some day?”

Hesitating briefly to ensure the young man was actually sincere, the older gentleman thought for a moment and formulated his answer carefully.

“First, define what you really want in life. Second, find someone who has accomplished that exact lifestyle and learn from that person how he or she did it. Third, go do exactly what he or she did.”

With that, the older man got into his luxury car and drove away.

We first heard this story told by a man who claimed to have been that young man who worked at that sporting goods store and to have used the very advice he received that day to succeed at a very high level. We are not sure, but the story may even be allegorical. That makes no difference. The truth remains that the principle taught by this nice little anecdote is profound.

Think about it. Most of the world has this equation exactly the other way around. Have you ever been asked a question something like this?

“What do you want to DO when you grow up?” or “What are you going to DO after high school?” Of course, we all have. It’s an indication that the person asking the question is using the following equation:

1. Determine what you think you would like to DO.
2. Then LEARN how to do it.
3. And finally, allow it to DEFINE your results in life.

But what the wealthy fisherman taught was exactly the opposite:

1. DEFINE the life you would like to have.
2. Find someone who has accomplished that life and LEARN from that person how to do it.
3. And then DO it.

You see? While most of the world falls into the rut of DO, LEARN, DEFINE, the super successful switch it around backward to DEFINE, LEARN, DO!

What does this mean for you? It means that at ANY AGE, you can run the equation the way the super successful do. You can DEFINE the exact life you’d like to live. Such a definition should be very specific, very exciting, and cover many categories, such as financial rewards and lifestyle, contributions to society
and charity, involvement in community groups and church, family relationships and love, even down to things like where you’d like to live and how you’d like to be remembered. The list is really endless and as individual as each person is unique. However, very few people will take the time to truly define where they want to go in life. But for those who do, it throws the equation of how to live entirely upside down!

Try it and see if it isn’t liberating to do as the late Stephen Covey taught, to “Begin with the end in mind.” DEFINE how you’d like to live right down to the very detail. Be in tune to any calling you feel on your life. Pay attention to any natural affinities or talents you possess. Package these all together, to the best of your ability, into a vision for where you’d like to go with your life. Only then, and we mean ONLY then, should you move on to the next step, which is also profound.

The next step is to find someone who has succeeded in achieving a life much like the one you now envision for yourself. This may be difficult, but don’t give up. Usually, successful people are the type who are constantly on the lookout for people to help, AND they almost always appreciate it when they come across someone who is eager to become like them. So look around and see if you can find mentors in key areas of your life who have achieved the types of results in those categories you’d like to accomplish yourself. Learning from such people is absolutely priceless. This is because they will think and act very differently from “everyone else.” And usually in life, you are forced to spend a lot more time with the “everyone else's” than you are those who have achieved the stellar results of which you are dreaming. Ultimately, you will think and behave a lot like the people you hang around the most. So take the advice of the wealthy fisherman and choose people to be around that are where you want to be in life.

Finally, it is time for the DO step. Take massive action toward your goals and don’t grow weary in the pursuit. Anything worthwhile takes significant time and effort. Expect that. Stay persistent. Keep your eye on the accomplishments you hold dear in your heart. Run for the approval of those you’ve chosen to emulate, NOT of those who don’t understand what you are trying to achieve. Remember, most people will think you’ve got it backwards. But actually, they’ve got it backwards.

So DEFINE your life, LEARN from those who’ve achieved that kind of life already, and DO what they did with all your heart. It will be worth it. We promise! And who knows? You might just become a wealthy fisherman to some future young person, too!

Posted by Kristen Seidl, on behalf of Chris Brady.

The Power of Game Planning

In a previous article, Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward covered The Power of Goal Setting from their NY Times bestselling book Launching a Leadership Revolution. Today, we are featuring Brady and Woodward's strategies for an effective game plan.

The Power of Game Planning

A leader with a goal but no game plan is like an archer with a target and no arrows. A game plan is a leader’s strategy or map. It provides guidance toward the goal. It provides the very way to realize the goal. It is here that the leader’s creative powers can flourish. It is here that a leader develops the ability to think strategically, brainstorming on the methods of attack. It is here that experience and learning can be big enablers. If Hunger provides the “why,” the Goal is the “what,” and the Game Plan is the “how.”

Game Plans Are Set in Sand

Strategic thinking is important, and putting together a well-thought-out plan for accomplishing a goal is vital. But a leader must never allow the game plan to become a masterpiece of its own. The game plan must be fluid, adaptable to changing conditions, and able to be scrapped at a moment’s notice if it’s not working. No plan entirely survives its collision with reality. As mentioned above, often it is necessary for a leader to develop multiple game plans over time before a goal can be reached. The goal is set in stone; the plan is drawn in sand.

Game Plans Drive the Prioritization of Tasks

One of the biggest advantages of a game plan is that it drives the process of setting priorities. A leader must think through and understand the question: What’s important next?

A teacher sought to demonstrate for his students the impact of prioritizing work. He took a glass jar and placed it on the desk next to some large rocks, some smaller rocks, some pebbles, some sand, and a pitcher of water. He informed the class that the object of the exercise was to fit as many of the materials on the desk into the glass jar as possible, providing the densest combination. He first placed as many of the large rocks into the glass jar as would fit, asking the class to confirm that the jar was “full.” Next he placed the smaller rocks into the jar around the larger rocks until the class verified once again that no more rocks could be placed into the jar. Then he crammed the pebbles into the jar around the other rocks until no more would fit. Next he poured the sand around the various-sized rocks until no more would go into the jar. Finally he poured the pitcher of water into the sand in the jar until the jar was entirely full of matter and not one more thing would fit.

“Now the jar is full,” said the teacher. “If we had not prioritized what should be placed first into the jar, we would not have fit as many of the items into the jar, and we would not have obtained the densest result.”

“I don’t get it,” said a student. “How does that teach priorities?”

“Because,” answered the patient instructor, “if we had started with the smaller items such as water or sand, there would have been no room for the bigger-size rocks. The projects we encounter in life must be handled in the same way. Put the big rocks in first and then work downward toward the smaller things.”

That is the lesson of priorities. Game planning for a leader is the step where this takes place. Without it, the leader will spend time on things that are “good” to do or even “great” to do but not the “best” to do. A leader knows to put in the “big rocks” first.

Ed Koch, author of The 80/20 Principle, writes, “The 80/20 Principle asserts that a minority of causes, inputs, or effort usually lead to a majority of the results, outputs, or rewards. Taken literally, this means that, for example, 80 percent of what you achieve in your job comes from 20 percent of the time spent. Thus for all practical purposes, four-fifths of the effort—a dominant part of it—is largely irrelevant.” Over time, the leader’s ability in this area compounds toward excellence or devolves toward mediocrity. Remember, a leader is most valuable where he or she adds the most value. Andy Stanley, author of The Next Generation Leader, wrote, “The ability to identify and focus on the few necessary things is a hallmark of great leadership.”

Game Plans Are Developed at the Macro, Mini, and Micro Levels

A close relative to the topic of prioritization is the classification of tasks or objectives into different levels based upon their size or importance. It is helpful for a leader to understand that issues can be classified into at least three categories.

These are:

1. Macro
2. Mini
3. Micro

The Macro level is the overall top layer. It is comprised of all the big stuff, the high-priority stuff, or the issues that will have the biggest impact for a given task. The Mini level is just below Macro, where issues are smaller and not quite as important. Finally, the Micro level is the tiniest detail level where the issues are the smallest.

It is important to understand how Macro, Mini, and Micro fit together with the idea of priorities discussed above. It's important for a leader to follow a set of priorities that are arranged according to the principle of “What’s important next?” Associated with each of these priorities are macro, mini, and micro issues. These two concepts together show the leader exactly where to focus to have the greatest impact on reaching the goal. A truly effective leader structures a game plan that starts with the highest priority task and the macro issues associated with that task. As these are completed, the leader works on the next lower-priority tasks and on issues related to those tasks that go from macro down to micro.

It is rarely necessary that all the priorities be handled or all the issues worked out. Often a goal can be reached before that level of detail is necessary. For this reason, it is important for leaders to review their priorities and issues continually to have the greatest impact possible as conditions change and progress is made.

Game Plans Are Best When Effective Thinking Is Used First

A leader’s quality of thinking will have much to do with that leader’s success. There is a tremendous power in effectively thinking through a goal and how it might be attained.

Brainstorming is the process where thinking is done in a freewheeling style, omitting any early judgments as to the merits of the ideas that result. Evaluation of ideas can come later. Brainstorming is designed to pull all good ideas out of the head and into the game plan.

Napoleon Hill became famous for his landmark book Think and Grow Rich. His basic premise was that each of us holds true wealth in the power of our thoughts. The Bible says, “For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Denis Waitley, former Blue Angels pilot and successful author and speaker, said that we have entered in our times a “battle of the mind.” We are no longer in the Industrial Age; we are now in the Information Age. And it really won’t be the quality of information but rather the quality of interpreting that information that will make the difference.

A key precept to comprehend when thinking strategically through a goal can be understood by envisioning the process like a game of dominoes. For any given goal there are myriad tasks that lead to its accomplishment. When drawing up a game plan, the leader must ask, “What are the major dominoes that will knock all the others down?” It is critical to focus on the major tasks first. This requires forethought and planning. Once a leader has determined the steps of major importance toward the realization of a goal, all efforts should be brought to bear on the completion of those particular steps. This happens before becoming involved in lesser concerns. It is these “majors” that leaders are chiefly responsible for accomplishing. They are entrusted to no one else. Often people miss this point and spend time and energy working on dominoes that don’t knock any others down. At the end of the time frame, the goals have gone unaccomplished, and the leader is frustrated. Effective thinking leads to a proper game plan that prevents this common mistake.

(For more information on this topic, you can order a copy of Launching a Leadership Revolution by clicking here. Posted by Kristen Seidl, on behalf of Chris Brady)

The Power of Goal Setting

The following excerpt was taking from Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward's NY Times bestselling book, "Launching a Leadership Revolution".

It is important to be hungry and have ambition to change the status quo, with a clear vision of what is to be, but that energy must be directed at something specific. That is where goals enter the picture. David Schwartz, author of The Magic of Thinking Big, writes, “A goal is more than a dream; it’s a dream being acted upon.” In the words of hockey great Wayne Gretzky, “You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” We must assume he was referring to shots on a goal. Without specific goals at which to direct energies and ambitions, all efforts will be wandering generalities at best. Henry David Thoreau
wrote, “It is not enough to be busy, so too are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” A leader must know the goal of his or her efforts. A leader must know clearly what is to be achieved. In short, leaders use the process of goal setting.

The story is told of two men who set out to accomplish similar results. One invested the effort to set goals properly and the other did not. At the end of a period of time, both men had worked diligently, but the one who had set a specific goal by far outperformed the other man. This is because everything the goal-setting man did was unconsciously directed toward his goal. If there was something to be done, it was first determined if it would assist him in accomplishing his goal. If it would, then he did it. If it would not help him hit his goal, he would not do it. You see, the goal-setting man had the advantage of priorities over the non-goal-setting man. He also had the advantage of channeling his efforts more effectively through the power of focus. On any given day, there are a number of “good” things to be done, but there are only a few “great” things to be done. And there can be only one “best” thing to do. A leader knows and does the “best” things on a regular basis.

As with hunger, goal setting is a discipline. It should never be a haphazard affair. As Tom Garriga, president of Tang Wei Martial Arts Institute, tells us, “A goal is an enemy to be conquered with a battle strategy and the commitment of a warrior. The leadership process is founded on resolve and commitment.” With this in mind, there are several components to the proper setting of goals that every leader should embody.

Goals Must Be Specific

Goals must be clear and exact. A leader cannot passionately pursue a generality. Examples of proper specific goals would be: “to win the Boston Marathon” or “to become president of the company” or “to sell one million dollars’ worth of products this year.” These are clear and precise. Examples of goals that may not be specific enough are: “to become a better parent” or “to improve in leadership ability” or “to maximize performance at work.” These are general feelings of what could be accomplished, but terms like “better parent” or “improve ability” or “maximize” are not specific enough to trap the leader into performing. Loose terms like these provide “wiggle room” for the leader. How can one know if he or she really became a better parent or improved his or her ability or maximized? Being specific with goals not only gives the leader a clear target at which to shoot, but it also leaves no room for doubt as to whether the target was hit. That is what it means to be specific.

Goals Must Be Written

A goal is not a goal until the leader has written it down. This may sound trite, but it is vitally important. As with goals that are not specific, goals not written down leave the leader room to maneuver if things don’t go as planned. But a written goal is hard to avoid.

Goals Must Be Set in Stone

The purpose of having a goal in the first place is to organize a leader’s thoughts and provide something specific for which to strive. The setting of a goal must be backed by commitment, or the whole process breaks down. Therefore, goals must be “set in stone.” Once decided upon, goals should not be changed. There is a saying, “Goals are etched in stone, but plans are drawn in sand.” As will be shown in the “Game Planning” section, it may be necessary to modify plans for how to attain a goal, but the goal itself must remain firm. Commitment says that whether the goal is accomplished using Plan A or Plan Z, the goal remains.

Goals Must Be Measurable

If a goal is to exert a motivating force upon the leader, then there must be a clear, quantifiable method to determine when the goal is accomplished. Can it be measured? How? How easily, and by whom? How quickly upon completion? These are the types of questions to answer when setting a goal to ensure that the leader knows when and how a goal is achieved. The ability to measure progress toward a goal also enables midcourse corrections and the ability for a leader to confront brutal reality concerning his or her progress.

In sports, there is nearly always a scoreboard that is big and obvious to all contenders and fans alike. It is present all the time with a constant, specific, measurable update on how the participants are performing toward the goal of winning. Goals for leaders must be just as clear and measurable.

Goals Must Be Realistic

A leader is not a leader without a vision for a better reality, but in the area of goal setting, this can be taken too far. It is one thing to have a big vision for a better future reality. And it is okay for that vision to seem wild and crazy to anyone except the leader. But the proper way to use goal setting to accomplish that enormous vision is through gradual steps. Each of these steps is represented by realistic, attainable goals. If the goal is too far beyond the leader’s reach, the leader will eventually become exasperated at his or her repeated failure to accomplish that goal. Goals must be realistic enough that the leader believes them achievable and is energized to do whatever it takes to accomplish them.

Goals Must Provide Motivation

On one hand, goals must be realistic, but on the other, they must be enough of a stretch to inspire the leader. They must be challenging. They must cause discomfort on the part of the leader and provide an impetus for increased performance. The best way to set a goal is to make sure it is between the ditches of “too enormous” on one side and “too easy” on the other. The leader must believe that he or she can accomplish the goal while at the same time being uncomfortable at the increased level of performance required to do so.

Goals Must Be in Line with Priorities and Values

In the struggle for achievement, there will always be temptations to “sell out” or compromise one’s beliefs. There may be conflicts of interest that crop up along the way, but under no circumstances whatsoever should a leader set goals that don’t ring true 64 WHAT A LEADER DOES with his or her true priorities and values in life. As the Bible says, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36). Every leader should take care when setting goals to ensure that the goal itself is not at cross purposes with his or her core beliefs and that what’s required to accomplish the goal does not compromise his or her honor.

Goals Must Be Prominent

The leader must develop systematic ways of regularly reminding him- or herself of the goal. This can be done with signs or placards placed around the home or workplace or even in the car. This may mean telling a spouse or friend or work associate about the goal so he or she can continue to bring it up in conversation. [This step should be done cautiously, however. The Bible warns against casting “your pearls before swine,” (Matthew 7:6), which means be careful with whom you share your most cherished thoughts, including personal goals. Sharing of goals should be done only with the closest of trusted individuals.] Certain music or thoughts can trigger a leader to focus time and again on the goal. The point is that a leader should devise methods of keeping the goal prevalent and in view until the goal is achieved. A goal forgotten is a goal missed. Great leaders know to put pressure on themselves by developing creative reminders of their commitments to achievement.

Goals Must Have a Specific Time Period

Once a leader sets a specific goal, writes it down, commits to it, determines how to measure it, makes sure that it is realistic and motivational and in line with priorities and values, and devises methods for making it prominent, it is crucial that an appropriate time limit be determined. If a goal is set without a time limit, it becomes nothing more than a wish or fantasy. A time limit applies the final pressure on the leader, like a clock ticking during the running of a race. Motorcycle racers say, “When the gate drops, the talk stops.” That’s how it is with goals once a deadline has been established. A leader bolts from the starting line headed toward the goal and racing against the clock. The pressure of the clock is necessary to avoid the old saying, “When all is said and done, there is usually more said than done!"

(Posted by Kristen Seidl, on behalf of Chris Brady)

The Three Categories of Personal Effectiveness

In Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward's New York Times best-selling book, Launching a Leadership Revolution, they introduce a concept called the Trilateral Leadership Ledger as a way to help leaders self-assess their effectiveness and track their progress. This excerpt below is taken directly from the book. 

The Three Categories of Personal Effectiveness

On the left vertical scale of the chart below is the ranking of the effectiveness of the leader, with 10 being perfect and 0 being dismal. Across the bottom horizontal scale are the categories of leadership effectiveness. It should be the goal of a leader to grow in the mastery of each of these three areas. 

Character

We can’t emphasize this too much: nobody lacking character will succeed in a meaningful way.

One of the first things a person on the leadership development journey should understand is that there is intrinsic value in developing character even if one never obtains external results from one’s endeavors. This is because who one becomes is much more important than what one accomplishes.

For the purpose of using the Trilateral Leadership Ledger and gauging personal growth, character in this case is considered to include:

1. Honesty
2. Integrity
3. Courage
4. Proper values based on absolute truths
5. Faith
6. A humble spirit
7. Patience with others
8. Discipline
9. Self-mastery    

In What to Say When You Talk to Your Self, Shad Helmstetter writes, “Mastering one’s future must surely start with managing one’s self.” John MacArthur observes, “Self-control is absolutely vital to lasting success in any endeavor of life. Many people do attain a degree of prominence on the strength of sheer natural talent alone. But the real, influential leaders are the ones who devote themselves to personal discipline and make the most of their gifts.” That is what this category of personal effectiveness is all about.

Tasks

The Tasks category simply represents the ability to get things done. It comprehends all the concepts of “Work”. No leader can succeed without the ability to execute tasks. For assessing a leader’s effectiveness and monitoring growth, the Tasks category includes:

1. Acceptance of responsibility
2. Work ethic
3. Availability
4. Willingness to invest time
5. Tenacity
6. Perseverance
7. Execution

Yitzhak Rabin, two-time prime minister of Israel and tireless worker for world peace, said of his boyhood, “Our home was permeated with a sense of mission. Work was considered a value in itself.” The Tasks category is the very embodiment of that statement.

Relationships

The Relationships category measures the ability to get along with and form lasting bonds with people. No leader can experience success alone. Such a situation precludes the very concept of leadership. Leaders must accomplish things through, with, and for people, and that can happen only with the ability to build
relationships. The Relationships category includes:

1. Accepting people
2. Approving of people
3. Appreciating people
4. Seeing the good in people
5. Encouraging people
6. Caring for and about people
7. Putting others first
8. Seeking win-win arrangements
9. Helping people accomplish tasks
10. Living the “Golden Rule”

Henry J. Kaiser said, “You seldom accomplish very much by yourself. You must get the assistance of others.” That is the focus of the Relationships category.

Personal growth is not an option for a leader. The Bible says that we will never be given more than we can handle. Therefore, if we want more, we must develop the capacity to handle more. The Trilateral Leadership Ledger is both a tool for instruction on the great principles of self-improvement and a tracking device for actual application. As leaders understand that their conduct is up to them and the amplification of their natural gifts is their responsibility, they will have set out on the path of personal growth and increased effectiveness. As they take charge of improving personally, leaders can next begin embracing the idea of increasing their influence with others.

For more information on the Trilateral Leadership Ledger, be sure to pick up a copy of Launching a Leadership Revolution, by Brady and Woodward, and review Chapter 4 in its entirety. 

(Posted by Kristen Seidl, on behalf of Chris Brady)

Super Powers

From time to time my children will ask me the question, "Dad, if you could have any super power, what would it be?"

To which I always answer, "Teleporting!"  Because it would be so amazing to just whisk myself to any spot on the globe and be there in minutes, bypassing airport security, delays, turbulence, and the immense time required to physically cart my carcass to a different geographic locale.  Of course, the questions posed by such an imagined technology are interesting.  For instance, if it were possible to teleport, would your clothes be able to go with you or would you go naked?  Probably naked, I think, science being science.  Therefore, imaging landing in your chosen spot in your birthday suit!  Think of the cottage industries that would grow up around that.  "Clothing shops for your landing spots!"  and "Undies available immediately everywhere you land!" Amazon would have to fast-forward their drone delivery program for sure! Also, I wonder if you would be able to choose an exact set of coordinates for your landing spot? Or would it be like our commercial GPS units, with a plus or minus fifteen feet accuracy? Oh, what difficulties that would engender!  You materialize out of nowhere on top of someone's dining table (naked, remember), or in the middle of traffic.

My children have other super powers they espouse.  One always seems to say "being invisible."  Another says "time travel," or "to be able to fly."  Which always gets me thinking.  Just how many super powers could there be, if one really let imagine run wild? The list can get pretty exciting:

1. Teleporting
2. Time Travel (the same "naked" question arises)
3. Flying
4. Speed Reading
5. Photographic memory
6. Fluent in all languages
7. Being Invisible
8. Immune to all Sickness
9. Immortal
10. Never needing to sleep
11. Be a glutton but stay perfectly fit (like a teenager!)
12. See the future
13. Being in two places at once
14. Mind reading
15. And then there's the whole panoply of the powers of the Avengers and Super Friends, etc.

These are fun to think about, and to add to.  (Which are your favorite, and which would you most like to have, and why?  Also, are there others that should be on my list?)  But, it's interesting when we realize that we already have an immense arsenal of super powers at our disposal.  Our eyes are able to process hundreds of millions of inputs in mere seconds and distill it all down to usability in the brain.  Our cells all are replaced annually but yet we remain the same person.  And who can explain the sense of taste or smell?  And what about the fact that we can just lie down for a night and wake up good as new and fully restored in the morning? The list of the physical marvels of our human physiology is almost endless, and most of it we take entirely for granted.

But the super power I would like to bring our attention to is quite different from the imagined ones above or the physical ones mentioned.  For it is truly a super power when a human being acts contrary to his or her own selfish desires and tendencies.  When slights, hurt feelings, wrongs, and betrayals do not result in retaliation and revenge.  

Jesus taught us to love our neighbors and deny ourselves, even though we are predisposed to do just the opposite. And when we see someone actually behaving this way, being strongly meek in the face of a personal affront, forgiving transgressions and refusing to take offense, it is so amazing that it might rank right up there with the super powers mentioned above.  Christians strive to do so in order to be obedient to Christ's commands, and to shine light to glorify their savior.  How others do it (and they occasionally do), is beyond me.  But pragmatically speaking, it is a precept of effective leadership to be slow to anger and quick to forgive, to be longsuffering and hard to offend.  As anyone who has ever spent much time in a position of leadership would attest, leaders carry an unfair load.  They are attacked, maligned, criticized, and condemned by "lesser" people who are not at their level of performance, who don't carry their weight of responsibility, and who aren't privy to their purview of the information.  In other words, leaders will be treated in ways that probably justify retaliation and retribution.  And the world cheers when "tough leaders" strike back in righteous indignation.  But the cheers are really not admiration, but chirps of relief that the person on a pedestal is just as base as them, subject to the same flaws and pride.  Those cheers are the sound of misery loving company.

But when a leader rises above these temptations, and demonstrates true restraint even at great cost to him or her self, it is deeply respected by those who notice, even if it doesn't make headlines.  Remember, villains actually respect the one wearing the white hat, for they know they were incapable of staying clean themselves, and they marvel that someone else could do so.  

If you want to be a good leader, you've got to rise above your selfish demand for your rights to be respected, and instead die to self for a bigger cause and for the people for whom you are responsible.  It is not easy.  But it is powerful.  In fact, it's a super power.  

 Sincerely,

Chris Brady

 

How to Deal with Difficult People

Have you ever had to deal with a difficult person in your life?

Of course you have! So, since we already know we will face difficult people, the question should really be, how do we do it?

First: Don’t be a difficult person yourself.

If you’re a negative, combative, and crabby person, chances are you won’t like being around yourself and others won’t either. Instead, earn a reputation of fairness. If you’re honest, firm, reliable, consistent, have emotional control, have courage, are loving, likable, forgiving, principled, strong, non-judgmental, and a ‘good-finder’ in people, then we would know for sure that the problem wasn’t you. 

However, even exhibiting all of these qualities won’t always help, even if you’re an angel. You are still going to run into “those” people. You could be in the best possible mood, your heart could be filled with charity for your fellow man, and then you run into “that” person.

Opposition is natural and healthy. If you’re going to amount to anything in life, there will be people out there who will oppose you. The higher your ideals, the larger your aspirations, and the more you want to accomplish, the more you will be opposed. The only way you can avoid opposition is to stand for nothing, to do nothing, to attempt nothing, and to be nothing. That’s just about as safe as it gets, but it’s also the most risky because it risks the wasting of the very life that carries it.

Second: Have discernment.

Here’s why: because everyone is difficult at times. Even occasionally you are more susceptible to it than at other times. Everybody has their bad moments and even you have times when the rock in your shoe will irritate you more than normal. It’s when these two overlap that we have the most trouble.

Third: Identify specific misbehavior types.

When addressing or dealing with difficult people, you may be at the mercy of some seriously intelligent manipulation. They’re going to confuse you and get you all turned around and inside out and will make it difficult for you to have a clear picture of the issues. Which is why it’s very important and helpful to have their specific misbehavior precisely identified so you can be very clear on what’s not right and what needs to be fixed, because conflict can get confusing.

Here are the top 10 specific misbehavior types:

1. Dishonesty/poor character/liar
2. Combativeness and objectionable behavior (overall difficult to get along with)
3. Passive-aggressive triangulation with political gossip
4. Prideful and selfish
5. Hurtful, mean, and callous
6. Bully/terrorist type behavior (silent treatment, always starting arguments, sabotage)
7. Addictions, out of control, unreliable
8. Poser/faker/phony
9. Unpredictable and bi-polar
10. Negative/complainer/critical

It’s important to know which 3 of these you’ll most likely exhibit from time to time because it will help you understand how to deal with and identify these behaviors in others.

So, here’s how to actually deal with difficult people:

• Don’t escalate issues.
• Don’t drop to their level - remain emotionally in control.
• Address problems head-on while they’re still small.
• Extend grace and don’t assign motives.
• Don’t give them a piece of your mind. Instead, give them a portion of your heart.
• Understand the different personality types.
• Remember this: LSMFT- Low Self-esteem Means Friction and Trouble.
• Apologize where you can and where you should.
• Never address controversy, hurt feelings, relationship problems, or challenges of any kind over voicemail, e mail, or text. 
• Attack the behavior, not the person.

Remember, reconciliation is the goal. Let them know you want to help, implement a fix, reach an agreement, check progress, and love them through the process. Figure out if you can help and then serve them. Sincerity mends a lot of fences.

All you really need are two things when dealing with difficult people: courage and love. We all tend one way or the other and it’s good to know which one you tend to. Do you tend to just love and forgive? Or do you tend to be courageous and stand to confront? Both are wonderful. However, if you tend more with one, you are really going to have to manufacture and work on the other; because you’re going to need both.

Lastly, if you have a choice in the matter, don’t entangle yourself with someone through a commitment if some type of obvious, consistent, systemic, bad behavior is on display. It’s one thing to serve them; it’s another to hook your wagon to theirs. In some instances, the best way to deal with difficult people is to put distance between them and you. There is a time when you break fellowship because you’ve done all you can do. Sometimes you need to be wise enough to see them coming, and then don’t allow them into your life.

To sort-of summarize:

• Don’t be a difficult person yourself! (If everybody did this one then this article would be unnecessary)
• Address the difficult situations head-on if you can.
• Ignore the crazy ones . . . and then serve.

Sincerely,

Chris Brady

You can also pick up the book, Dealing with Difficult People, from the Life Essentials Series, which will expand more on this topic.

The Top 6 Mistakes Public Speakers Make

1. Being Boring. Speaking in front of a group of people is as much about entertaining as it is about informing, sharing facts, or explaining. For some reason, most public speakers are entirely oblivious to this truth. They seem to think that if they plow ahead and bury the audience with words that they are communicating. For the five things you must do to actually communicate with an audience, see my earlier article called Public Speaking According to Old MacDonald. 

2. Failure to Use Illustrations/Examples. This is the biggest reason speakers are boring. And by illustrations, I do not mean pictures and graphs on PowerPoint. I mean stories and colorations to bring your point(s) to life. Remember this: you haven't told them until you've shown them. I suffered through a sermon recently that was devoid of even one single example or illustration. If you can't (or don't, or worse, won't) come up with memorable sketches, illustrations, stories, and humorous little ditties to help bring your points to life, you are dead before you begin. Keep your seat when they introduce you. At least that way the audience will remember you.

3. Being Nervous. Okay, telling you not to be nervous is like saying don't have a headache when you do. Still, like a headache, there are things you can do to prevent them and even things you can do to mitigate their symptoms once you have one. The way to prevent nervousness is to practice your presentation a million times, even if it's just to your spouse who is wearing headphones and watching Youtube videos the whole time. Practice your talk until you're sick of it and you won't be as nervous. The other thing to do is give enough talks in front of people often enough that you no longer get nervous. I promise this will happen.

4. Not Credible. 76.5% of people agree that there is nothing worse in the whole world in our entire human existence than a speaker who over-exaggerates, makes unsustainable claims, and plays fast and loose with statistics. Stay away from statements such as "best in the world," "greatest ever," and words such as "unbelievable" and "awesome." If it's unbelievable, then why are you trying to get them to believe it? And awesome should be reserved for something that truly invokes awe, such as, say, the Creator of the universe. 

5. Using Power Point. The only thing I can think of that makes me shudder more than having to sit through a Power Point presentation is reading through the entire U.S. Tax Code. Twice. Oh, and having a dog lick the inside of my mouth. I would bet there are more people who've butchered presentations using Power Point than there are teenagers who've typed "LOL" into a smart phone.  Power Point is like a gun, perfect for what it's designed for but deadly in the hands of someone who doesn't know how to use it. So how can/do you use Power Point properly? Use no more than 10 slides and have no more than 10 words on each. If you actually read the text that comes up on the slides to the audience, you need to quit public speaking altogether and get a job writing U.S. Tax Code.

6. Going On Too Long. Rambling is only okay if you're a Jeep. Have something to say, say it in an entertaining and memorable way, then shut up and sit down. The cluelessness of speakers who go long is only akin to that of left lane drivers. Know how much time you've been given and stay well within it. The trick is to be done a few moments before the audience wants you to. This leaves them wanting more, which is good. Why would you want to leave them wanting less?

There's more, but if everybody who ever held a microphone in front of a group would only implement these six things, the world would be a better place.

The next time you are trapped in a boring speech that is going on too long with some dweeb reading teeny tiny text on a Power Point slide, remember this article and send it to them anonymously. Consider it an act of public service.

Sincerely,

Chris Brady

 

The Scam of our Life: Our Smart Phone Culture

It's not that often that I use this blog for a rant, but today I just can't help it. After noticing the marked increase in the terrible affliction known as Left Lane Driving (LLD), and quickly discovering its cause, I can no longer remain quiet. The culprit in the growth of this virus is also responsible for lameness in relationships, terrible posture, squinty eyes, and a near pandemic of teenaged girls standing in unnatural poses in front of bathroom mirrors.

What could possibly by the cause of these varied and seemingly unrelated ailments?

Smart phones.

In this work I will seek to establish the so-called "smart phone" as the bane of our modern existence. I will show how it has invaded our lives and changed almost everything about how we behave, interact with each other, and spend our time.

Here are just some of the odd human behaviors that have resulted from the proliferation of smart phones in our society:

1. People look at their phones almost constantly while driving.  I HATE this one. As if folks (not including myself, of course, as I am an excellent driver, AND I would never group myself into any category named "folks") aren't bad enough drivers without an addiction to a small rectangular distraction device. Take a small survey for yourself. Next time you are out driving a dangerous, fast, heavy, mostly-metallic contraption called a car, notice how many people are doing so while looking down at their phones, as if there is nothing dangerous about it, as if looking away from what they are doing doesn't threaten the lives of everyone around them in serious ways. This is really common at intersections, in which lights can turn green and cars just sit there waiting for someone to honk, except that more and more there is nobody to honk, because everyone is looking down at their phones. It has been known to happen that entire green lights have gone unused by clueless zombies texting nothing more important than "lol."

2. People ignore each other by instead being engrossed in that little screen.  Go into any restaurant, coffee shop, airport, or waiting room and what will you see? People who are supposedly together who are anything but together.  "Together" now means nothing more than occupying adjacent space. It certainly doesn't mean conversation, or eye contact, or true listening. I can pick up three or four teenaged boys and drive them all the way across the state to a soccer match and won't hear a thing for hours.  Why? Because they are all playing something on their phones, or "liking" something posted somewhere, or posting something for someone else to "like."  It's even more embarrassing (for them) to see "couples" sitting at a restaurant table clicking away on their phones and not interacting at all, except maybe to show a meaningless video or post to the other person for a quick laugh or smirk.  Deep. Have you ever had anyone get into the car with you and as soon as they hit the passenger seat they immediately get out their phone and start tapping away, ignoring you for miles and miles?  

3. People now multi-task during almost every waking hour. Just watch teenagers today. For most of them, it is so natural to multi-task that they can almost never be caught doing only one thing at once.  And what could be so important that it would be allowed to intrude into meals, conversations, movie watching, etc. etc? Looking at their smart phones, of course.  Group chats, texts, social media posts and replies, all add up to minute-by-minute interruptions that our young ones take as natural. There is a complete lack of singleness and focus in our smart phone culture, and we've become interruptible to the point of lunacy.

4. The smart phone slouch. There is a certain posture that goes along with smart phone fixation: hand slightly extended forward, elbow bent, head forward, neck bent downward.  It's the smart phone slouch.  This is most easily spotted (in fact, try to avoid seeing it) in airports.  Nine out of ten people are standing in the smart-phone-slouch position, fixated on their screens.

5. The smart phone conversation. This is the loud talking smart phone user who pollutes the air around him with the noise of his conversation, shouted into the phone as if the person on the other end is deaf. This, thankfully, has become slightly more rare as texting has taken over.  At least when people text all the time their slouching is quiet.

6. Ridiculous response time expectation.  I once had someone ask me if I was mad at them because I didn't respond to their text within an hour. Now mind you, I don't fight terrorists, I am not involved in any emergency rescue operations, and nothing I do professionally can't wait a few hours here and there. Why was this person so expectant of a quick response? Because such fast (nearly immediate) reaction times are now so common as to become the norm. Our availability has become dictated by a secret enemy called "smart phone culture" which demands we be on-hand, ready to respond, all the time and any time.

 

Here are some questions to ponder:

1. How did this happen to us?

2. Did we give it permission to happen or did it sneak in unawares?

3. Assuming that all the good things smart phones can do for us outweigh the bad we've been considering, how can we at least control our addiction to them a little?

4. Where does it go from here?

5. How much worse can it get?

6. What might be the long term ramifications of such a radical shift in how we humans interact (or don't) with each other?

7. Why do teenaged girls stand like that in front of their mirrors while taking pictures of themselves?

8. And finally, who is John Galt?

Sincerely,

Chris Brady

 

 

T-Shaped Model for Leadership Development

In a recent article in Fortune Magazine (January 22, 2015 by Geoff Colvin), Alcoa CEO Klaus Kleinfeld presented a very simple model for what they as a company look for in leadership development. Klein stated:

"There is a T-shaped model. The horizontal line across the top represents qualities [we look for] related to analytics, strategic thinking, languages, some math skills, and some international experience. But I also look at depth. A person needs to have the stamina to experience, at an early point in his or her life, something very deep or challenging or frustrating—and getting through it.

And I almost don’t care what it is. If somebody said, “I spent two years in India studying Indian spiritual practices,” and then I find out how the person thinks and what the individual has learned, that for me counts as one of those deep dives.

If you want to lead anything, it doesn’t work to just have the general management skills because there are going to be one or two or three issues where you have to roll up your sleeves and get into it and don’t stop digging until you’ve found the bottom. If you don’t do that, you’re not going to earn respect." 

It has been said that genius is taking the complex and boiling it down to the simple.  I believe that Mr. Kleinfeld has displayed at least a touch of that quality here. For over twenty years Orrin Woodward and myself have been teaching leadership and seeking to intentionally develop people in their marches toward high achievement. We have talked about the "Science" side and the "Art" side of leadership.  We have taught that there are "methods" and "principles" involved in success.  We have tried to relate this nuance that there are at least two dimensions involved in all of this. I think Kleinfeld's T-shaped diagram makes a nice contribution to the concept.

If I may, I would like to summarize his horizontal bar as "skills," or "ability."  These are things that are not endowed at birth but are rather acquired through effort and desire. The vertical bar is "character" or "fortitude," or things that reflect the deeper composition of a person.  So if we label the horizontal bar as "Ability," we could most likely remember a vertical bar labeled "Stick-ability."

How many of us know people who are wide on skills but shallow on depth? You scratch the surface of their existence and they are a quarter inch deep.

On the contrary, how many have known people who are quite deep as individuals, strong and full of character, but their interests are so narrow that they can only talk about their particular vocation and little else.

I suppose we could debate for hours the merits of being on one side or the other.

But really, we should all aspire to be both wide and deep. Our yearning should be to fulfill all of our human potential by broadening our skills and deepening our strength of character and rectitude.

This is what we look for when we hire. It is what we teach when we talk about what is necessary in order to lead effectively. And it is what we demand of ourselves in our daily walk.

What about you?

What intentional and regular steps are you taking to broaden your skills? What new studies have you taken on? What training have you inculcated? What are you doing to add to the variety of what makes you interesting?

Similarly, what about depth? How often to you test yourself and push yourself to the limits? How often do you hold yourself accountable, and who have you enlisted to help in keeping you honest? What steps do you take to stoke the flames of your inner motivations so that your ability to hang tough when the times get even tougher is sufficient for the challenge?

Excellence is a combination of Ability and Stick-ability, and neither are an accident. They are both the result of intentional cultivation.

Thank you Mr. Kleinfeld, your diagram suits us to a T.

Sincerely,

Chris Brady 

 

Related articles

"Gimmick Prospect"

Leadership Lessons from the Age of Fighting Sail

What We Can Learn from the Painter of Light

"Gimmick Prospect"

Inadequacy

How many times in life have you felt inadequate? How often have you sensed deep down that you didn't really have what it took to make it? How frequently have you found yourself short of confidence?

We can probably all answer these questions with many instances springing from our memory. We can all quickly recall incidents and moments when we were embarrassed, fell short, and just didn't make the cut.

Additionally, how many times in your life have you had others dragging you down, telling you that you weren't good enough, and betting against you? 

Again, I'll bet we can all think of instances when this was the case.

Let's take it further.

How often have experts and official commentators given testimony to your shortcomings and thereby added credible fuel to the engine of your self doubts?

Case Study

Imagine being a college football quarterback of average size and dimension. Imagine determining that you wanted to play in the NFL no matter what, even if it meant having to change positions. Even if it meant having to break onto a team as not much more than a practice squad player with the possible chance to play some special teams? Even if it meant they would even stick you in as a defensive back to fill the gap where there had been many injuries? 

Currently one of my favorite football players is Julian Edelman of the New England Patriots, and the prospects I've outlined above were his. A quarterback at Kent State in college, he made the pros with an undefined future, most teams not even sure what to do with him. The New England Patriots, well known as creative re-assigners of players to new positions, took a chance on him. Even so, his prospects of actually making it on the team, much less becoming a starter, much less becoming the practical runner-up for MVP of the Super Bowl, were extremely slim.

One of Edelman's best friends told a reporter, "Julian's line for people who doubt him is always this: 'Bet against me!'"

Once again the old adage of "It's not the size of the man in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man!" comes true.

May this video be a source of motivation to anyone who's ever been told they were too small, too unusual, or even in the words of the official draft report on Edelman, too much of a "gimmick." 

When in such a position, there are only two things you can do . . .

 

Sincerely,

Chris Brady